When we don’t get what we want - when we try and try and try and nothing happens, when all of our expectations are disappointed and we experience failure - the ego tends to go one of two directions:
First the ego may react in anger, feeling bitter that for some reason Life or God, depending on your belief system, is withholding what you want from you, or that “it”, is falling down on the job!
The ego will say “God...buddy...you know you’re really fucking up my life here! I’m upholding my end of the bargain, I have my vision board and my intentions set, now you need to deliver the goods! What’s the matter with you?”
There’s this idea that you (the ego) somehow know better than the unfathomable intelligence of the Universe which created all things...and this mindset will manifest in bitterness and judgement, often directed outwards at other people and life events.
When you look at life, you see all the ways in which God appears to not support you, how mean people are, all the problems in our governments and socio-economic structures, etc.
There’s an idea looking around at the state of things that “this is unacceptable! This is wrong!” but with a sense of hopelessness to do anything about it. And this results in a feeling of depression and isolation.
The other direction an ego that can’t get what they want will go is instead of seeing everything that is wrong with Life and the Universe, they will instead ask “What’s wrong with me that I can’t manifest my desires?”
They assume that if God is withholding this from them, it must be for some kind of cruel punishment for something they did. Or that they are just fundamentally unworthy somehow.
When they look out at the world they will see other people getting what they want, leading supposedly happy lives and ask “why do they get all the good stuff and I don’t? They aren’t even as spiritual as I am! It’s not fair!”
This mindset leads to a deep feeling of self-loathing and again - depression and isolation.
So one direction takes you into judgment that is externally focused with an arrogant over inflated ego, and one leads to judgment that is directed inwards with a deflated inferior ego.
Both are extremely painful to the Spirit of a person, and both are equally untrue.
When you are in the midst of it however, it feels very real, and that pain is something to have much compassion for. It’s important to not minimize either of these experiences, but instead just draw light to what’s actually happening so the pattern can be broken and the Spirit set free.
The first step in breaking this cycle of suffering is to acknowledge the underlying feelings of loneliness, emptiness, and despair which is what motivates most of our desires in the first place. Wanting something to fill that void, relieve the despair, and escape the loneliness.
When we are willing to just sit with these feelings, we can actually start to make friends with them. When you sit with something long enough, giving it the space to be there, it loses it’s negative charge and becomes a neutral emotional energy that we can then more easily assimilate into our Being.
By assimilate I mean allowing those emotions to enter the space of our heart center, instead of pushing them away, running from them, or trying to fix them. We simply allow them to be as they are, treating them like wounded children that just need to be held.
As we begin to embrace ourselves in this way, simply through our willingness to be with the emotion, and extend compassion and love to it, we can feel through those emotions to the other side where true Freedom and Peace is found.
Loneliness, despair, and emptiness are doorways to Liberation. If we can bring them close enough, those doorways open and we touch the essence of our Being.
Our essence doesn’t want for anything to fulfill itself, because it is already whole and complete. It’s only desire is to express itself through the uniqueness of You, which it can only do when we stop judging ourselves and Life long enough to allow it to come through.
The Divine has a plan for each one of us to come to this realization in our own time and in our own way. When clients come to me with the “Why can’t I get what I want?” syndrome, I know that Life has decided “Now is the time precious one! Now is the time to discover what real Happiness is! You are ready! Here is the doorway!”
It’s a time for celebration in my eyes, because the initiation has begun!
So if you find yourself in this place, just know - that the faster you see through the ego’s tendency to wallow in judgement, depression, and isolation for lack of knowing what else to do, and instead are willing to go to the Heart of it all - the faster your rebirth into the peace and joy of your true Being will occur!
I extend heart-felt Blessings of compassion, self-forgiveness, and deep peace to you wherever you are, just as you are!
Namaste,
~Jessica
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